Emma Stone's Doppleganger

The Midwest, 2024

Poor Things must have gone to streaming. I didn't notice because I caught it at the cheap seats in the century-old downtown theatre. You know, the one with tacky linoleum floors and a defunct wooden phone booth that patiently waits for its insta cameo?

I have never seen Emma Stone bare chested before. Maybe she has been and I missed it. I assumed that aside for a few edgy (*cough* Florence Pugh) actresses, most would have declined to be exposed that far into their careers. Good for her, I thought.

Since that movie came out, I have had not one but two former paramours materialize for the sole purpose of emailing me that my tits look like Emma Stone's. (Yes, you read that right. A non-work email in 2024. I'm not on social media.) ((Also, is this acceptable behavior? Have I been dating creepers? Was my creep-o-meter miscalibrated in the mid-aughts?))

I corrected them both that hers look like mine since I'm older. Even during my cute years I was never one for pictures, so these guys are relying purely on memory from 2005-2007.

I cannot return the favor and tell them who their famous penis twin is, but I am confident in ruling Ewan McGregor out.

Is there such a thing as a nipple double? I'm not sure what purpose it would serve if Emma's already bared hers. Hollywood won't be calling. I should leverage this similarity and make tens of dollars on a niche OnlyFans site.

Here's a preview:

Nevertheless, it's nice to know that she and I share a feature, although I wish it really would have been anything else. Anything.